Finally everyone! with great happiness I now announce to you the long wait is over. You probably didn’t realize there was a wait, well…I was waiting patiently for someone to translate DMJ’s diary and now that time had come. Thank you to Soompi KSH’s iKstars International Fans that made this happen and especially to those on Weibo & Teiba and @jt1023ksh for translating from Korean to Chinese to English. Those that can understand English can now enjoy the private words of DMJ! YEAH!!! Kamsamhamnida, Cam On, and Thank You! 🙂
Here’s my thoughts on it when reading the diary. I have to break it into two parts because I have mixed feelings, it feels to me like 2 separate DMJ talking at these two periods in time. Let’s talk about the first part which for me is from entries 9/25/13 to 12/6/13. All the entries during this time, for me anyway, was like reading some high altitude jumble mumbleness. I think it may be one of these few reasons: 1. There’s perhaps some sort of lost in translation happening here where the content is too deep that the translation does not carry over properly or 2. The writer (supposedly DMJ) of these entries is just writing whatever non-sense just for the sake of it, as it’s nothing important happening at these times…hahaha or 3. The content is just way, way, way too deep…so deep, it’s mind bending to the point where nothing makes sense, lol. You can choose to skip this part or read for fun, but personally you should read over it anyways as I’m sure it was a lot of work getting all this translated for you 🙂 Appreciate the work guys, appreciate the work.
The next section is where the goods starts happening. From entries 12/16/13 onward to the end at 2/13/14, it seems like a different DMJ switched over and everything “he” write seems to make sense, not only in your mind but in correlation to the drama as well. This section you have to read as it follows some hidden feelings that DMJ have had and at some point, quite poignant and insightful in regards to his actions and characters. Let me stop my ramblings here so you can actually read the real stuff…hahah there’s lots to read…ENJOY!
Towards elapsed time I have become powerless.
Right now, my shadow keeps wandering in different places……
The world has changed so much,
Everything is so new and mysterious,
I feel overwhelmed, unrelated.
Just like a song’s lyrics,
Go and play, go and play, go and play during youth,
This short verse keeps lingering in my brain.
I want to do this too,
But my body can not keep up with it,
It has already found its resting place.
Be friends with nature, leisurely and slowly
Go and see parts of the world that are new to you.
Seek inner happiness,
Follow your heart to experience it, to feel it.
When feeling angry about something,
Or suddenly feeling sad,
Or inexplicably feeling lonely,
I would walk into a vibrant, youthful yet overflowing noisy street.
Tasting various snacks while walking in the street,
I would feel that the world is a very interesting place to live in.
Seeing someone and chatting happily is good too.
The topic does not have to be meaningful,
As long as we can enjoy chatting, regardless of content,
Our mood will become relaxed and happy.
What to do when we feel lonely but have no one to talk to?
Just go to a nearby park.
There will be a small fountain,
And if the flowers are in full bloom, it will be even better.
Every small plant, every leaf is different.
I would quietly appreciate and enjoy it, while walking slowly.
Feeling the beauty in this world,
Just so, it can also be said that it is a blessing.
What a nice blue sky.
Those silently floating clouds in the sky were so beautiful.
If I could sit comfortably on the clouds for a nap,
My body and mind would feel very relaxed.
Suddenly, these quiet clouds began to change shape,
Like some cotton candy floating in the sky,
Or hiding in a corner, or just like a bird’s feather flying high.
Let them turn into wind or blue sky would be great.
Changing into sweet cotton candy sounded nice too.
When the white clouds were dyed in red by sunset,
Ah ~ I really wanted to become a member of these crimson clouds.
In the distance amongst the green hills
It is flooding with the scent of memories.
In the mountain peak, the longing is moving in a wavelike form.
The white clouds are so picturesque in the dreams
making one remember the dispersing sea.
Gazing at the mountain calmingly
It seems like leaving behind a beautiful fairy tale,
I can see the joy of floating high in the clouds and soaring in the sky.
as if your beautiful silhouette was there.
In the imaginary society
Everything in this world is so warm and soft, pretty and beautiful.
My shadow is forsaken in that mountain
To date I can feel the hardship of an enduring longing.
All these will eventually become a happy memory, and I would smile when recalling it.
I believe such a day will come.
It is raining.
It is raining under the gray sky.
Staring at the non-stop rain,
I can remember the times where my little friends and I played with water.
Seems like right now I can still hear the joyful cheers of these friends asking me to play outside my house.
Having a feeling that my childhood companions are with me,
I am in a good mood today.
Although they have now disappeared, nowhere to be found,
as long as I can remember those pictures, I will grin from ear to ear.
Are you somewhere in this world, my dear friends?
I wrote a letter today.
Haven’t received any replies from my previous posts,
I wrote another one.
Try to repress my amplified resentment alone.
The more I feel nostalgically,
The more I sense the other person not wanting to see me.
This is really annoying, but I still continue to write.
Write down my melancholic self-esteem.
However, just like a sudden shower in the summer,
The bitterness has been transformed into an unceasing affection in no time.
Which part of a fool would you believe in?
I wrote down my feelings last time and sent it afar,
By the time the person received the letter, I had already given up on my cruel heart,
Leaving behind only my yearnings engraved so vividly on paper.
I must write a reply letter for that.
Placing my heavy burden down, it seemed like I was able to fly up high.
I used to beam about it, but now a new topic has risen.
What should I do aout those people who were injured because of me?
Although not being able to remember everything,
I found out the reason why I am so unbearable lately.
It was all because of my selfish heart.
Caring only about my own pain,
I could not accommodate anyone else in my eyes.
If I can regain inner peace, as clear as water,
My image will definitely look beautiful.
I felt like my entire body was covered with my filthy past,
Like a squeaking sound, it was so unbearable.
No one is without pain in this world.
Those who endure more pain would continue to live well.
However, just like when you feel sick an nauseous,
You need to spew everything out in order to feel more comfortable,
The deep constraint in your heart must also be spat out to feel better.
Green foliage also has a very beautiful name.
When we call its name,
It will respond to us…
Through the lonely whistles in our mouths.
During the breezy days, green foliage,
Why do you swing your body like that?
During the rainy days, green foliage,
Why do you keep swinging nonstop?
Still, green foliage has a very beautiful name.
Green foliage, green foliage, gently humming such tune,
We do not know when our hearts and minds will turn into foliage…
When can we human beings, have such compassion in our hearts…?
Up until now, towards those unbelievable situations,
Those considered impossible situations,
Through my experiences after decades and centuries,
I still think that humans cannot arbitrarily classify them into realms of God.
Even when one knows,
It is totally not necessary to convey or to keep that specifically in mind.
If one only vaguely knows something but still blindly speaks out,
I don’t know if this person really understands what he is indeed saying.
That is a very terrible arrogance…
However, as trouble comes out from the mouth,
Those crimes committed by the mouth should only be redeemed by the originator;
There’s no need to worry.
For the offenders, the endless punishment is their ultimate redemption.
Hasn’t this been confirmed many times already?
Every day, at this very hour,
The sound of the waste collector’s car could be heard in the distance.
Glancing at the clock, it is already 2am past midnight.
Today has past,
For the sake of tomorrow, I should be soundly asleep by now.
As the hours pass by and the light of the night start to dim,
I am here lingering in this restless night.
Open the window and wandered out,
I can feel the scent of the night tickling my nose.
The curtain in the darkness drifts me into a never ending dream.
It looks like I won’t be able to sleep in any moment.
As the night quietly heads towards the west,
I, too, follow the dark night and direct myself to the west.
When taking a long journey and wanting to stop for a rest,
I would explore around for a place to rest.
It is good if there are benches,
But if there are only rocks or logs, I am still satisfied.
In their whole life, in a flash of the moment
People would want to seek a place to let the exhausted heart rest.
If one lives a lonely life in this world,
The blame would be due to the inability to feel the stress.
Striving to show no apathy to this world,
Sometimes I do consider it this way.
Even towards those minor issues that happen daily,
I can also feel the pain comes from within.
With a heart full of gratitude,
There are many reasons to live on,
More than enough to offset the pain and yet there would still be more remnants.
Today, I have people who would embrace me and let my heart be at ease.
I am very blissful.
And there are those who I pester but still accept me,
I am very blissful.
This morning came as expected,
Like all other mornings, it descended with a purpose.
In recent days I have been awake because of the snow flakes,
However, today it’s the coffee cup that hit me first.
The coffee cup has no real value in movements,
When I asked it to come to me,
Its resistance is more subdued by its happiness.
Although, because of feeling low self esteem I gave it a shout,
My heart was left with a sense of regret.
It is because of this fellow, that I opted to leave everything behind,
And have my heart struggling?
Who does he think he is?
Because of him, I wasted all my energy, my heart felt so distorted.
Persuaded me strangely, provided me with various information,
What an annoying fellow…
Finished the lecture, while riding the bike on my way home
I witnessed a handbag snatch on the pathway.
At that moment I had thought of wanting to block the motorcycle and catch the thief,
But then I chose to turn a blind eye.
If I intervene with other people’s lives here,
Will there be any significance?
Using my superpowers to aid those in needs, will the ending be any better?
Just like arriving from another galaxies and living here for 400 years,
This was not part of my plan,
Things doomed to happen will happen,
It has got nothing to do with one’s desire.
Do not recall when, but I do agree with these earthlings
Who address this process as DESTINY.
Final three months of my accounts on Earth.
At the crossroad, I saw some news on the big screen.
The comet of the century is approaching.
The comet NASA initially speculated that it had vanished still exists.
After 4.5 billions years, that great comet will guide me back to my original place.
A new destiny is about to begin.
The comet that I have been expecting for 400 years…
In 3 months, I can finally return to the star which I used to live.
The next 3 months will feel like eternity compared to the past 400 years.
Feeling excited but at the same time I also sense fear.
All these rich and full of emotional feelings, I have not felt for a long time.
I must meet up with Lawyer Jang in the next couple of days;
It’s time to sort out my personal matters.
The good friend who spend 30 years with me…
Finally I am going home…
At our meeting point, the tea house near the University, I met up with Lawyer Jang.
This is our place for some quiet and tranquil time together.
The valuable time with my friend is ticking away.
Suddenly remembered since the commencement of the class,
That movie star attended the lecture for the first time.
Cheon Song Yi…
I do not know these recent movie stars.
Uneducated, only know how to make noises.
Speaking of singers, after Bai Ho there is no one I appreciate.
TV dramas are the same;
They can never be as good as those along the classic lines.
While talking about the past,
Lawyer Jang took out a photo we had taken 30 years ago.
The now aging Lawyer Jang was once very energetic.
But in the photo standing next to him I still looked exactly the same.
The humans age very quickly and then die,
In the end only I am left behind.
Once realizing this time
I don’t have to see another close friend leaving me,
But instead I will be the one stepping out first,
At this point I surprisingly feel lonely and dismayed.
Making friends is a frightening thing.
Whenever that feeling of loneliness comes to me,
My heart would feel depressed.
Unexpectedly I recalled the child from 12 years ago.
Don’t know if that child is well,
She must be slender and elegant now.
12 years ago on that night…
Did that event really happen in real life?
Could there be such a person
Who resembled so closely to one another?
Till now a name which still lives vividly in my memory,
A name which cannot be forgotten, that child…
If it wasn’t a dream 12 years ago,
Today, she’ll be all grown up.
Before leaving Earth,
For once I want to see that child again…
This will be impossible…
How do these movie stars go through their lives
While constantly caring what the outside world is thinking about them.
That person – Cheon Song Yi.
Copying someone else’s reports and still insisted that it’s hers, how shameless.
If only it ended like that, however, this shameless woman
Even invaded the most tranquil and calm place on Earth
My home – when she was dead drunk.
Drunken woman, tawdry taste, arrogant and ignorant woman,
The most despised kind of people.
Such a woman moved in next door.
Since the beginning of the Joseon period till now,
I have met many women.
But such a disappointing woman, this is my first time encountering.
Of course, there’s no way I would have anything to do with that woman again!
Something is also surprising.
So called birds of a feather flock together,
The man who came to pick her up, what’s up with him?
Together with that disappointing woman, what a perfect match!!!
He even said he’s her boyfriend, this guy was suspicious enough.
Obviously he wanted to do something to her, but in the end he got kicked out of the door…
Apart from those sloppy sleeping styles,
At the most critical moment she did maintain a high level of awareness in self-protection.
Of course, I am not at all taking this woman to heart!!!
Cheon Song Yi…Cheon Song Yi…Cheon Song Yi…
At first it was only because she resembled Yi Hwa…
At the time when we had no choice but to live in the same room,
What happened to my inmost feeling?
Each word she said,
Nothing is able to vanish from my heart, mind and eyes.
The first time wanting to protect someone,
Yet when I couldn’t do anything for that person, I lost her.
That powerlessness…That heartfelt sadness…
I remembered the instance Yi Hwa left the world
The reason humans fear death
Is because they are afraid of being forgotten.
For me, even if I disappear from this world,
The world itself would not be any different.
Only I will be the forgotten one.
Regarding this, I have never sensed fear.
Even though I am about to leave this place for another world,
Even though after my departure, no one would remember me,
At one moment it did not matter to me at all.
However, I now feel frightened.
I want to be the person whom she would not forget.
It won’t be long before I depart here for another world…
But right at this very moment…
Cheon Song Yi…
Cheon Song Yi…
Cheon Song Yi…
Constant repetition of this name,
Unknowingly, it’s dawn.
She’s lying on my bed reading a book.
Listening to the sound of her reading, I feel inner peace.
She, the person herself,
Makes my heart feel grateful.
At the same time, the deepest place in my heart is aching.
Sometimes I do not realize but for no apparent reasons at all I want to cry.
So worried, that I am unable to endure it.
Afraid that she will get hurt;
Don’t want her to elave my sight even for a beat of a second.
Had a good remembrance of my long life on Earth.
Really regret it.
Regret that I didn’t live an ordinary daily life…
Couldn’t spend those early mornings and evenings with someone…
Couldn’t come home where someone was waiting for me…
Couldn’t express my feelings to that someone I truly like…
The things that humans, who can’t live past 100 years, are all doing in their daily lives,
Aren’t even worth my mentioning…
Now…I want to go and do them all.
Cheon Song Yi…and her…
Is this what they call love?
Heart is beating very fast.
Am I getting sick now?
If it’s not…am I falling in love with someone after all?
Cheon Song Yi’s ideal type is someone who could stay by her side forever and ever.
Unlike her father who left unsuspectedly,
Someone who could spend the rest of her life with…
These words are like saying I am certainly not that person,
My heart…it really hurts…
What can I do for her?
How should I protect her?
Am I able to watch over her?
I have to go back…
Anyway, I am the one who have to leave…
Today I let that guy notice a bit of my superpowers,
Now I am concerned if that was an appropriate thing to do,
But I had no time to consider anything at that moment,
Just thinking wholeheartedly of how to protect Cheon Song Yi from that killing spree.
Today I went to Cheon Song Yi’s ex-management company.
Like a delicate child, can she survive in this cold hearted and unpleasant industry?
Obviously did not really understand what was on my mind but yet she really believed in me,
And made me accompany her there.
Hearing her speak these words; my heart…really hurts.
I am unable to continuously…
Stay by your side forever…
Before getting any deeper…
And at the same time for her own good…
I need to stay a distance away.
My heart is really aching.
A person with strong self-esteem confessing her love to me,
That picture was too sweet, yet too sad,
In the end I was speechless.
Until dawn, hearing her voice from her room lingering painlessly,
I had a sleepless night also.
Guilt, sad, despair.
But I cannot be persuaded.
For her own good, I must drift away.
The so-called growing old together.
If I can grow old with her and look at her aging face…how wonderful would that be?
Imagine my aging self holding the hand of Cheon Song Yi, a now grey-haired woman.
Just don’t think we can spend the rest of our lives together…
If I ignore the course of nature and force myself to stay,
What would happen to me?
There is only a limited time for me to live on Earth,
A place so disconnected from my body.
If I choose to stay indefinitely on Earth,
What would happen to me?
She cried so bitterly because of my ruthless words; poor her.
Her drunken face, her angry words, her wishes and dream
All these made me so heart-broken.
When I’m gone, please have Lee Hwi Hyung take care of her…
Once realizing her protector is not me but someone else,
My chest simply fills with overflowing anger and grief.
However, I just cannot dare to ask for more at my departure.
The last month’s record on earth.
I’ve had a very happy dream.
An unattainable dream.
A dream which makes me feel unfortunate when I wake up.
A dream which is too happy but also too sad.
Two months is enough, one month is also fine,
Even at the end I can’t go back but to elave my ashes here for this land I don’t care,
As long as I don’t have to wake up from this wonderful dream with Cheon Song Yi, that’s enough.
I really can’t do that?
I love her, but a dream can only be a dream.
Because I didn’t want to lose her, I completely hid my identity until now.
Today, because I wanted to lose her, I confessed to her my true identity.
I prayed that she would be scared of me, distant from me…
Even though I prayed,
I still let go of her hand first, and left her alone.
Saying all words to deliberately hurt her,
Unexpectedly, I was the one who ended up hurting the most.
I have no choice but to flee from Cheon Song Yi.
I have no choice but part with her weak body.
I need to go home right away.
She cannot come with me,
But I cannot stay behind either,
This is the only thing I can do before I leave.
I can only make sure she can live well every day when I am away.
Listening to her cries for me, I’m so heart-broken.
The time she showed her love to me,
The days she showed feelings for me,
The moment she started worrying about me,
All of these were just my dreams…
Initially, when forced to remain on this earth,
My mind would only think of when I can return to my own planet
Wasting time here for me was just meaningless.
After knowing Cheon Song Yi, everything changed.
The moment being with her was a precious as starlight.
However, I also understand such time is not indefinite.
Besides, the comet which I have been waiting for 400 years is finally here.
If I miss this opportunity, I might simply disappear from here.
Very soon I might die…
Credit to iKstars and you can view the MV for this here as well: